PALM BEACH, FL—In a bold diplomatic move, former President Donald Trump welcomed Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to his Mar-a-Lago resort Sunday, offering a unique peace proposal: transforming the war-torn Donbas region into a ‘world-class, absolutely tremendous’ golf course that doubles as a neutral buffer zone.

Despite continuing Russian missile strikes, negotiators remained optimistic as guests enjoyed shrimp cocktails in the Versailles Room. ‘We have an amazing opportunity here,’ Trump explained, gesturing to a poster of the proposed Trump International Donbas Links. ‘Imagine—peace, prosperity, and 18 holes with the best water features you’ve ever seen. Even Putin would want to play.’

Sources say the 20-point peace plan includes a free gold-plated club for every surrendered Russian tank and a ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ green fee for EU security guarantees. Ukrainian officials seemed wary. ‘If Russian artillery is the sand trap, what’s the clubhouse—Mariupol?’ asked lead negotiator Dmytro Hladkyi, eyeing the hors d’oeuvres nervously.

While Kremlin spokesperson Igor Shubnikov dismissed the idea as ‘another capitalist distraction’, he admitted Moscow is open ‘pending a complimentary caddy and guaranteed tee times.’ A Mar-a-Lago staffer, who requested anonymity, summarized the atmosphere: ‘Honestly, if Trump can turn a pandemic into a merch opportunity, he can definitely hustle world peace. Just don’t ask about the beverage cart.’