With yet another winter storm causing power outages across large swaths of the U.S., millions of Americans have reportedly settled on a practical solution: simply living the rest of their lives powered exclusively by the Anker 521 PowerHouse, currently marked down to an almost-suspicious $129.99 on Amazon.

“Honestly, the PowerHouse just makes more sense than a functioning grid at this point,” said Rita Blakely, a Sacramento resident who plugged her toaster, breathing machine, and two ring lights into the device during a recent blackout. “My fridge now lasts six hours longer, and my existential dread only slightly less. Plus, at eight pounds, it’s lighter than my emotional baggage.”

According to Anker spokesperson Brad Glenfield, the PowerHouse was designed for emergencies, camping trips, and, increasingly, everyday life in America. “Thanks to two AC outlets, a car socket, and a government that’s as sturdy as a USB port in a sandstorm, we’re confident our battery will outlive the power grid itself,” Glenfield said. “And unlike your local utility, it comes with a five-year warranty.”

Some early adopters are already thriving. “I’ve trained my family to only run one device at a time,” explained Chicago father Nelson Fortez. “We rotate between the WiFi router and the baby monitor every three hours. Survival builds character.”

The Anker 521 can also be recharged using optional solar panels, for those who believe the sun will continue shining longer than the Department of Energy. “At this point, I trust the battery more than I trust my mayor,” noted Washington, D.C. resident and early convert, Lila Chou.