In a surprising twist for the high street health sector, Jhoots Pharmacy, the chain operating over 100 outlets across the UK, may be declared insolvent after failing to pay nearly £670,000 in locum pharmacist fees — a sum the company insists is definitely “somewhere in the back stockroom, next to the Vicks.” The news follows a high court application submitted by Lloyds Bank, allegedly after the bank was offered store credit and a free blood pressure check instead of repayment.

“Frankly, we just need a few more customers to cash in on our ‘Buy One, Owe Us Nothing’ offer and we’ll be right as rain,” said Jhoots interim CEO, Rajesh Patel, while reorganising expired cough syrup bottles into an optimistic pyramid. “It’s all part of our revolutionary approach to cash flow management: pay later, much later, maybe.”

A spokesperson for the Locum Pharmacists’ Action Group, Dr. Felicity Pillman, expressed measured optimism. “We remain hopeful they’ll pay us in full — or at least in Boots Advantage Points. Either is fine at this point.”

Meanwhile, MP Sheryl Dullard told Parliament, “Jhoots has pioneered a unique strategy of operating a business without, technically, any money. It’s an impressive feat. The NHS is taking notes.”

Jhoots maintains that the situation is under control, reassuring stakeholders via an official statement: “We’ve just refilled the printer ink for our IOUs and anticipate resuming payments in the second quarter of Neveruary.”