REDMOND, WA—With a newly cleared calendar and a burning desire to reintroduce the lost art of tech blogging to the C-suite, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella announced Tuesday he will be sharing his thoughts on the future of artificial intelligence in a new online diary, tentatively titled ‘sn scratchpad.’

In his inaugural post, Nadella bravely addressed what he called ‘the defining binary of our times: AI slop versus AI sophistication.’ The CEO assured readers that, while Microsoft still has ‘a bunch of stuff to get right,’ he remains committed to advancing technology that is ‘neither overcooked mashed potatoes nor underdone soup.’

‘We must move past the tired debate of whether AI is slop or not-slop, and instead, imagine a world where our minds bicycle uphill, both ways, powered by GPT,’ Nadella wrote, referencing Steve Jobs’ famously confusing ‘bicycles for the mind’ metaphor. ‘I dream of a future where AI is a skateboard for the midbrain.’

Microsoft insiders report Nadella has been spotted furiously typing at a standing desk while muttering, ‘No more slop. Only artisanal algorithmic chowder.’

‘Personally, I read these blog posts to fall asleep,’ admitted Mark Steeple, Microsoft’s Director of Algorithmic Ergonomics. ‘There’s something about Satya’s prose that gently lulls me into REM.’

Meanwhile, industry analyst Ava Potemkin praised the CEO’s candor: ‘Other tech leaders make vague LinkedIn announcements. Satya delivers the raw, unfiltered spreadsheet energy the internet craves.’

At press time, Nadella promised the next installment would include a recipe for AI gumbo “with a hint of responsible governance.”