OXFORD, MS — In a stunning display of modern college football values, ex-Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin is poised to receive up to $1 million in bonuses for the grueling task of watching his former team excel without him. Kiffin, who bravely left his post last year, has spent the playoff run recovering on his couch and counseling a golden retriever through tough emotional times, sources confirmed.

“It was a gamble, but leaving the team really paid off,” said Kiffin from his backyard hot tub, clutching a commemorative TaxSlayer Bowl margarita glass. “My main strategy this postseason has been to not call any plays and to aggressively avoid all practice facilities. Frankly, it’s exhausting.”

Current Ole Miss head coach Bart Fumble commented, “Lane’s leadership in absence has truly inspired us all. Every day, the players ask themselves: What Would Lane Not Do? And then we do the opposite. It’s a winning formula.”

Kiffin’s windfall is the result of a contract clause rewarding him for any success the program achieves as long as he is not physically present in the state of Mississippi. Athletic Director Janet Bubblewrap explained, “We wanted to incentivize Lane to think outside the box. Far, far outside the box. Preferably in another time zone.”

The NCAA has already moved to copy the model nationwide, proposing new ‘Do Nothing, Get Everything’ coaching incentives. Meanwhile, sources report Kiffin plans to spend his bonus on a commemorative yacht named The Beneficiary.