ST. PAUL, MN—Barely containing their disbelief, Minnesota Republicans are reportedly “astonished and delighted” after Governor Tim Walz abruptly ended his re-election bid under the weight of what experts are calling “an Olympic-level outbreak of fraud.” With the Democratic Party scrambling to find a candidate who can both deny knowledge of the scandal and pronounce “Minnesota” correctly, the GOP has identified the upcoming Senate race as an unexpected opportunity.

“Turns out, the best way to win in Minnesota is to make sure the other guy is so busy explaining why his entire cabinet has been indicted, he accidentally resigns,” said Randy Blumpkins, chair of the Minnesota Republican Party, while furiously Googling ‘How to campaign in a blue state.’

Democratic strategists remain optimistic. “We see the Governor’s resignation, triple-digit fraud charges, and the sudden exodus of every Democratic official in a 40-mile radius as a minor messaging challenge,” said DNC regional adviser Carol Stippleton. “The important thing is we still have a strong bench. For example, there’s—well, never mind.”

Meanwhile, the GOP has vowed to “try running a candidate who isn’t a serial arsonist this time,” according to campaign manager Brock Fizz, who later clarified, “Or at least one who hasn’t been caught.”

Political analyst Doug Trowler described the situation as “a classic Minnesota standoff,” adding, “It’s like musical chairs, but the only seat left is broken, and all the music is just the sound of subpoenas being shredded.”

With polling stations already bracing for record turnout among people who never heard of Walz until today, state officials are preparing for a historic contest, or at minimum, a historic number of deleted emails.