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Emmy Winner Attempts Bold New Genre: Chess-Themed Film With Absolutely No Chess In It

LOS ANGELES—In a move Hollywood executives are calling both ‘daring’ and ‘mildly confusing,’ Emmy-winning director Bridget Stokes has announced her feature debut with ‘Zugzwang,’ a film that promises to be a genre-bending detective story with zero actual references to the game of chess.

Stokes, who shattered glass ceilings by winning an Emmy for HBO’s ‘A Black Lady Sketch Show,’ reportedly spent months researching chess terms before settling on the word ‘zugzwang,’ which, according to sources, ‘just sounded kind of mysterious.’ The film will star Christina Elmore as a hardboiled detective who must solve a crime using only her wits, a trench coat, and an aversion to chess puzzles.

“Audiences are ready for a noir film that asks the big questions, like ‘What if chess didn’t exist?'” explained Stokes in a press release. “We’re redefining genre by removing all content remotely related to the title.”

Producers assure moviegoers the story offers ‘all the tension of a chess match, without any of the rules, boards, or actual game play.’ “We wanted viewers to constantly feel like they’re about to see a chess piece, but they never do,” said associate producer Finley Ramsbottom. “It’s a cinematic checkmate.”

Lead actress Elmore describes her character as ‘a pawn in a world full of rooks,’ clarifying that she has never played chess and finds the game ‘a little intimidating.’

In related news, Stokes reports her next project, ‘En Passant: A Tennis Drama,’ is already in the works.

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Buck Mulligan

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