WASHINGTON—In a historic victory for creative diplomacy and international couponing, former President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that the United States will exercise control over Venezuela’s oil reserves for ‘the foreseeable future,’ after securing what he described as ‘full cooperation and a punch card with ten stamps’ from the interim administration of Delcy Rodríguez.

According to Trump, the arrangement was cemented after US officials received everything they felt was necessary, including a custom-embroidered “World’s Best Overlords” banner and commemorative barrels of crude. ‘Delcy is doing a fantastic job giving us everything we ask for, including more things we didn’t know we needed,’ said Trump, addressing reporters from a Mar-a-Lago conference room decorated with gold-plated oil drums. ‘We’re going to control Venezuela’s oil for years—maybe decades—frankly, maybe forever, depending how nice they are.’

White House spokesperson Chad Flannigan clarified the terms of the deal: ‘Venezuela is basically the new Texas, just with more salsa music and fewer functioning escalators. We’re considering putting “Property of America” stickers on the pipelines as a friendly reminder.’

Venezuelan officials remained upbeat. ‘We are proud to be the first nation in Latin America to come with a complimentary superpower attached,’ said interim oil minister Beatriz Zapata, who also confirmed that a US flag had been sewn onto the national uniform. Local Caracas resident José Ricardo was less enthusiastic: ‘The Americans took my lunch, but at least they left me this nice “Make Oil Great Again” hat.’

US diplomats stress that talks will continue until the last drop of sovereignty has been amicably extracted.