In a bold attempt to address the nation’s declining fitness levels, Paramount+ has announced that the Glen Powell-starring action comedy ‘The Running Man’ will sprint exclusively onto their streaming service on January 13. The film, directed by Edgar Wright and based on the 1982 Stephen King novel, arrives with studio hopes that Americans may, for the first time in decades, remember how legs function.

“We’re not just releasing a movie—we’re launching a nationwide initiative for people to stand up from their couches and remember running exists,” said Cheryl Mackintosh, Paramount’s Vice President of Cardiovascular Marketing, while handing out commemorative sweatbands at a press event. “If even one viewer considers jogging to the fridge instead of crawling, we’ll have succeeded.”

Industry insiders point to the film’s advanced action sequences, in which Powell moves briskly from room to room, as a potential catalyst for the sedentary masses. “Just seeing an actor run for more than 20 seconds—without digital effects or stand-ins—could change lives,” explained Streaming Analyst Trent Halberd, noting that previous films about walking and mild jogging have failed to move the needle on American vitality.

Early testers say the results have been promising. “I watched the trailer and got winded,” confessed beta viewer Janice Ellroy, 38. “It inspired me to buy running shoes. I haven’t put them on yet, but the intention is there.”

Paramount+ has not confirmed whether future releases such as ‘The Sitting Man’ or ‘The Lying-Down Man’ are in development.