St. Paul, MN — In a stunning escalation of state-federal relations, Minnesota announced a lawsuit Tuesday against the Trump-era Immigration and Customs Enforcement division, claiming the agency failed to deport even a single Minnesotan for painfully polite behavior, the state’s most egregious form of civil disorder.

“We specifically asked ICE to focus on those who say ‘Ope, let me sneak right past ya’ more than three times a day,” explained Minnesota Attorney General Ole Swanson, standing in a snowdrift outside his office. “Instead, they wasted resources on enforcing borders, not boundaries.”

Meanwhile, the Supreme Court began oral arguments for two cases that will determine whether states can bar transgender athletes from women’s sports and, more urgently, whether teens in track meets are legally considered members of the U.S. Olympic team if they wear enough Gatorade-brand apparel. Justice Kavanaugh reportedly asked, “If a pole vaulter uses a selfie stick instead, is she breaking NCAA rules or inventing a new sport?”

Civil rights groups are monitoring both cases closely. “Frankly, it’s about time the Court addressed the real issue: should elementary school flag football require testosterone testing?” said Shelby Cardiff, spokesperson for the League of Concerned Helicopter Parents.

At press time, ICE announced a pilot program to deport anyone caught pronouncing ‘bag’ as ‘beg,’ while the Supreme Court considered renaming itself the Supreme Rec League.