In a bold move sure to redefine Anglo-American legal relations, former President Donald Trump announced a $10 billion lawsuit against the British Broadcasting Corporation, accusing its 2024 ‘Panorama’ documentary of editing his January 6 remarks “in a way that did not accurately capture my natural charisma, intelligence, or the full beauty of my hair.”

According to court filings submitted to the Westminster Magistrates’ Court, Trump’s legal team declared that the BBC’s documentary was guilty of “maliciously distorting the timeline, omitting key footage of Mr. Trump gesticulating emphatically, and failing to employ adequate slow-motion effects.” The lawsuit also demands that Trump be allowed to personally narrate every future program about himself on British television, with an optional holographic appearance in Parliament.

Legal expert Sir Nigel Quincebottom commented, “It’s not every day one witnesses a $10 billion suit filed over missing hand gestures and insufficient praise for presidential bone structure, but these are strange times indeed.”

BBC Director-General Timothy Pound was unwavering in his defense, stating, “While we strive for accuracy, we did not anticipate Mr. Trump would want a six-part musical interlude dedicated to his speech pauses.”

A Trump spokesperson, Tiffany D. Freedom, made the stakes clear: “If the BBC doesn’t want to end up owing America five entire Downton Abbeys, they’ll think twice before ever cutting away from Mr. Trump’s closing monologues again.”

As the BBC seeks dismissal of the lawsuit, sources report Trump has already begun recording a new documentary tentatively titled ‘The True Story: How BBC Got It Wrong.’