LONDON—In a stark warning sure to chill the hearts of anyone who recently enjoyed a marginally larger paycheque, Bank of England official Megan Greene declared Monday that the UK faces the grave threat of ‘wage joy’ spreading unchecked throughout the economy.

“The people of Britain must understand that pay growth can be dangerously uplifting and dangerously inflationary,” Greene announced outside Threadneedle Street, as economists solemnly nodded behind her. “If this rampant sense of slightly improved well-being persists, we may never have the pleasure of slashing interest rates and watching house prices rocket again.”

Economists say that wages growing faster than a limp hedgerow is deeply concerning. “Workers need to do their patriotic duty and accept less money for the same work, otherwise inflation will start feeling a bit cheeky,” explained Dr. Marvin Poon, senior analyst at the Gloom Institute. “The last thing we need is households having extra cash lying around, potentially upgrading to the good beans at Tesco.”

MPC committee member Lucinda Flett suggested a series of ‘National Wage Apology Days,’ where Britons donate the difference in their new salaries to interest rate preservation funds. “It’s only fair to the landlords and mortgage brokers,” Flett insisted, adding, “Think of the children—specifically, my children and their school fees.”

At press time, the Bank of England confirmed they are also looking into possible restrictions on spontaneous whistling, smiling in public, and the use of the phrase ‘I’m feeling pretty good about my finances.’