In a move heralded by experts as ‘an aggressive leap forward in sports safety and celebrity self-care,’ the NFL and YouTube have announced their second annual Super Bowl LX Flag Football Game, featuring a dazzling mixture of pop stars, retired football legends, and ‘YouTube personalities who have at least two viral apology videos.’

The game, scheduled for Saturday, February 7th at 10 p.m. ET/7 p.m. PT, will take place at the Super Bowl Experience, or as NFL insiders affectionately call it, ‘the only event where you can see a Grammy nominee get juked by a guy named Druski.’

‘Nobody wants to see Deion Sanders risk a real hit when he can instead gently reach for a flag attached with Velcro,’ said NFL spokesperson Linda Studebaker, furiously taping a flag belt to J Balvin’s waist. ‘Last year, our concussion count was zero, though our ego injuries topped 122.’

Celebrity coach and motivational TikTok star Skylar Squeak was optimistic about her team’s prospects. ‘I’ve been teaching Benson Boone how to throw a spiral using air guitar techniques. It’s unconventional, but so is this entire event.’

Insiders promise a halftime performance featuring AI-generated holograms of every other participant, as well as an on-field ‘influencer dance challenge’ sponsored by a lightly carbonated beverage. YouTube talent manager Craig Lasky said, ‘We’re hoping to make this the first flag football game in history where nobody moves faster than a light jog.’

Tickets are free, dignity optional.