WASHINGTON, D.C.—Tensions in the Senate soared Wednesday as Senator Marco Rubio, R-FL, declined to take military action off the table in response to ongoing events in Venezuela, opting instead for what analysts have described as an ‘open-ended Tom Clancy strategy.’ During heated questioning, Rubio insisted that while the Trump administration has ‘no current plans to invade Venezuela, Aruba, or a nearby Chuck E. Cheese,’ the President ‘reserves the option to respond to hostile animatronic mice anywhere in the Western Hemisphere.’

Senators pressed Rubio and Secretary of State Rex Foreman (who coincidentally shares a name with a local Little League coach) during the three-hour hearing, seeking clarity on Washington’s international ambitions. ‘Right now, the only operation we’re running is Operation Oil Garage Sale,’ Foreman explained. ‘But if President Trump wakes up tomorrow craving arepas or pizza tokens, we’re prepared to shift our priorities.’

Asked for comment, Pentagon spokesperson Lt. Gen. Dave ‘Bazooka’ Watkins stated, ‘We have not ruled out airstrikes, ground operations, or an aggressive leaflet campaign. There are still a lot of options on the table, including sending John Bolton in as a one-man regime change.’

Venezuelan opposition leader Delcy Rodríguez, who was declared interim president by a confused White House intern, responded in kind: ‘We actually appreciate the U.S. interest, but would much prefer humanitarian aid to drone flyovers and unsolicited Facebook friend requests.’

While the Senate remains divided, one thing is clear: no country, cartoon rodent, or oil drum is truly safe until Washington finds something better to do.