LONDON — Veteran activist Peter Tatchell was arrested Saturday on suspicion of causing widespread cognitive dissonance after carrying a placard bearing the mysterious and menacing phrase, “Globalise the Intifada: Non-violent resistance. End Israel’s occupation of Gaza & West Bank,” at a pro-Palestine march in central London.

Metropolitan Police officers swooped in after a protracted attempt to decipher Tatchell’s sign ended in frustration, a brief policy seminar, and two constables developing nosebleeds. Tatchell’s call to ‘globalise the intifada’—accompanied by the disclaimer ‘non-violent resistance’—was deemed “an attack on public comprehension and tranquility.”

“We take a zero-tolerance approach to any slogan that requires a glossary,” declared Inspector Gary Buckle, who led the arrest. “Frankly, if you want to protest in London, keep it to ‘No War’ or ‘Stop It’. Anything more nuanced and you’re risking a full tactical response.”

Eyewitnesses report that officers also briefly detained a vegan, a proponent of organic farming, and a small dog in a Che Guevara bandana. “It’s getting hard to know what’s rebellious and what’s artisanal,” lamented street vendor Jasmine Higgs. “I just want to sell hummus in peace.”

Tatchell, speaking through the bars of a police van, remained defiant. “Being arrested for a placard this wordy is an attack on free speech and the right to confuse passersby,” he said. “I stand by my message, even if nobody fully understands it.”

Meanwhile, Home Office officials confirmed they’re fast-tracking a new law against ‘sloganeering ambiguity,’ with repeat offenders facing up to six months in a mindfulness seminar.