WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a dramatic display of government time management, the United States Senate voted late Friday to heroically extend funding for the Department of Homeland Security by an entire two weeks, ensuring America remains secure until everyone forgets what they were arguing about in the first place.

The stopgap measure, crafted during a feverish 17-minute negotiation session involving a Magic 8 Ball and several bags of Funyuns, passed 71-29. Meanwhile, the rest of the federal government received the full year of funding it apparently earned by “not being as controversial as ICE,” according to Senate Parliamentarian Wilma J. Gribble.

“We’re proud to show the American people that we can kick the can down the road with bipartisan precision,” said Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY), fresh from his weekly luncheon and visibly relieved nobody had asked him what DHS actually does. “It’s this kind of short-term, incomplete problem-solving that keeps us in office.”

At a press conference, Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT) explained, “Two weeks is the perfect time frame. It’s long enough to seem responsible, and short enough that we can still ignore the real issues until after the Super Bowl.”

Homeland Security officials, unfazed by the uncertainty, began prepping for potential shutdown procedures. “We love these funding games,” beamed Acting DHS Director Marcus Vanderbelt. “Every year, it’s like government roulette—will we get paid, or will we have to moonlight as mall security again?”

The House, experts say, is expected to take up the issue on Monday, assuming members can resist the urge to attach a National Pickleball Day resolution to the bill.