NEW YORK—Hailed as the most emotionally stirring footage of a woman eating salad since ‘Julia & Julia,’ the premiere of ‘Melania: The Documentary’ left audiences reportedly “inspired” and slightly confused after a two-hour cinematic experience featuring 43 minutes of Melania Trump staring wistfully out windows.

Producer Mark Beckman, speaking to reporters outside the velvet-roped Lincoln Plaza Cinemas, condemned years of what he called “recklessly unflattering coverage” of the former First Lady, vowing that the film would finally reveal the “real Melania”—a revelation, he claims, that involves “very little dialogue, but a tremendous number of tasteful pantsuits.”

Viewers agreed the film offered unprecedented access. “I feel like I truly understand Melania now—I mean, I watched her arrange hydrangeas for 11 minutes in slow motion,” said attendee Chelsea Varelli, dabbing her eyes. “She didn’t say a word, but I could feel every syllable.”

The film’s centerpiece, a dramatic reenactment of Melania slowly moving a coaster to the left, was described by self-identified Melania scholar Dr. Trevor Blatz as “the purest example of post-modern ennui since ‘Waiting for Godot.'” Beckman defended the pacing, noting, “You simply can’t rush an icon. Or her coasters.”

White House spokesperson Randy Platt praised the film’s honesty: “Courageous. Daring. Practically revolutionary in its commitment to silence. I don’t think the American people are ready for this much content from a First Lady.”

Sources confirm the sequel, ‘Melania 2: Alone with a Single Lamp,’ is already in production.