OCALA, FL — In a daring display of law enforcement prowess, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office announced Tuesday that they have successfully thwarted what officials are calling “an unprecedented assault on Florida’s mobile home infrastructure and commercial glass industry.”

Julio Ramirez, a 29-year-old self-identified amateur arsonist and full-time illegal immigrant, stands accused of setting a fiery trap under a local mobile home and launching what authorities say was an unauthorized window-ventilation campaign at Miss Betty’s Discount Gifts and Vape Emporium.

Sheriff Eddie Gator hailed the department’s efforts, explaining, “Florida’s windows have been taking too much abuse lately. Our mobile homes are sacred. This was nearly a double-wide disaster.”

Business owner Betty Lou Jenkins reportedly witnessed the event while refilling her vape juice display. “I looked outside and saw a man with a lighter and a bag of cheap bottle rockets. I assumed it was the Fourth of July, but my calendar said April,” Jenkins lamented. “It’s chaos out there. Nobody’s windows are safe.”

Sources report that Ramirez had allegedly hoped to “warm up under the mobile home on a cool Florida night” and “improve air flow” at the business, citing what he called “a lack of innovation in property ventilation.” His legal representative, attorney Skip Turner, argued, “My client was simply demonstrating the kind of entrepreneurial spirit America was founded on. He tried to create jobs—for window repairmen.”

The sheriff’s office announced plans to increase patrols around fragile architecture and store-front glass, warning, “It’s open season for windows until further notice.”