PALM BEACH, FL—In a stunning Mar-a-Lago address following his latest arraignment, former President Donald Trump clarified that his attacks on Judge Juan Merchan and his family were part of a time-honored legal strategy known as ‘pre-emptively blaming everyone except myself.’

“Frankly, folks, the judge’s daughter started the whole thing by sending me negative energy across state lines,” said Trump, referencing what he called ‘total witchcraft’ emanating from the Merchan household. “First, the judge does law things at me, next thing I know, it rains on my golf course. Coincidence? I think not.”

Trump campaign advisor Beatrice Clumpton defended the comments, explaining, “Mr. Trump only mentioned the judge’s family, favorite childhood pets, and third cousins to keep his focus on the issues.” Clumpton added that expanding the circle of blame is considered ‘best practice’ in modern politics.

Legal scholar Dr. Max Gobbler weighed in, noting, “In the Trump Doctrine, the defendant’s guilt is inversely proportional to the number of unrelated people he manages to insult. By this logic, he’s completely innocent.”

Sources say Trump’s next speech will critique Judge Merchan’s mother’s potato salad recipe and will likely include a PowerPoint of mean facial expressions allegedly made by the judge’s cat. As Trump concluded his remarks, he reminded supporters, “If I’m guilty, then Judge Merchan’s mailman is the real mastermind. Investigate!”