Senior officials from Ukraine and Russia will convene this week in Switzerland for a second round of peace talks carefully scheduled just days before the fourth anniversary of Moscow’s full-scale invasion—ensuring maximum social media engagement and a solid turnout of international dignitaries seeking new LinkedIn profile photos.

The discussions, once again orchestrated by Trump administration appointees, are expected to closely resemble the previous meeting in Abu Dhabi, which produced at least three new hashtags and one viral TikTok dance but no measurable progress. Both sides have confirmed they intend to arrive, sit at adjacent tables, and engage in a mutual exchange of cryptic glares and PowerPoint presentations.

“We’re optimistic about being seen in the same room as people we still actively despise,” said Russian envoy Boris Smirnov, who brought his own red carpet for the press conference. “With the eyes of the world upon us, we’re fully prepared to reject Ukraine’s proposals in seven different languages.”

Ukrainian Foreign Minister Olena Borodina expressed hope that Western mediators could, at minimum, provide free Wi-Fi this time. “Last round, we spent three hours just buffering. We’re not expecting peace, frankly, but it would be nice to finally get my Wordle in on time.”

US special envoy Jared Kushner, who insisted he was instrumental to the process, remarked: “Every moment we spend not agreeing is a win for content creators globally. War is temporary, but Instagram Stories are forever.”

Observers say hopes remain low for any diplomatic breakthrough, but expectations are high for a fresh batch of inspirational quotes under sepia-filtered photos of bitter rivals shaking hands.