NEW YORK—Following Google’s announcement of the Pixel 10A, Americans across the nation have reportedly begun hauling out their tents, collapsible chairs, and portable mopping vacuums in anticipation of the earliest Black Friday in recorded history. The $499 device, described by Google as “last year’s phone, now in a slightly different shade of blue,” comes with a $100 gift card, a free pair of Pixel Buds 2A, and a measured dose of existential confusion about what constitutes a ‘deal.’

“How else was I supposed to spend my weekend? With my family?” mused Sandra Kipple, 32, as she scrolled through Amazon’s listing for the 12-outlet Anker 351 Power Strip. “If I don’t buy now, my living room won’t have the voltage needed to support all my other discounts.”

Consumers have also expressed excitement for Soundcore’s Space One headphones, which at $79.99 are now only twice as expensive as losing them on the subway. “The discount is thrilling,” claimed Verge Deals Editor-in-Chief, Kyle Toom, while hand-washing his Eufy Omni S1 Pro as it self-washed itself. “These headphones technically play audio and, with a 40-hour battery, they’ll outlive most modern relationships.”

With rotations, pivots, and programmable triggers, the Turtle Beach Stealth Pivot controller is, according to expert gamer Derek Halberd, “the only thing standing between me and total professional mediocrity. Plus, I use the swiveling sticks to stir my coffee.”

As demand surges for discounted gadgets and self-washing robots, experts warn that by 2025, the average American home will require at least three power strips and a PhD in coupon codes just to function.