WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a historic move, the House of Representatives will vote today on whether President Donald J. Trump should be required to obtain explicit parental permission before engaging in further military action against Iran. The proposed resolution, known as the ‘Ask First Act,’ mandates that the Commander in Chief write a 200-word essay on ‘Why I Want To Go To War,’ to be reviewed by Congress during homeroom.

“We’re just trying to prevent any more unauthorized field trips to the Middle East,” explained Rep. Linda Prestwich (D-OH), clutching a stack of detention slips. “It’s only fair that if my niece in 4th grade needs a signature to visit the zoo, the president should need one to visit Tehran with 3,000 Marines.”

Meanwhile, Minnesota Attorney General Josiah Blimpton has filed suit against the Trump administration, arguing that the abrupt suspension of Medicaid funding has left the state unable to pay its overdue ‘Geopolitical Conflict Deductible.’ “Frankly, if the federal government is going to start wars, the least they can do is cover the co-pay,” said Blimpton, noting that many Minnesotans are still recovering from last season’s tariffs.

White House spokesman Tad Gormley expressed frustration with the constraints. “Look, when the Founders wrote the Constitution, they clearly intended the president to have spontaneous drone strike privileges. Benjamin Franklin literally invented lightning.”

The House will vote at 3 p.m., after a brief recess so lawmakers can have their war permissions signed by a parent or guardian.