WASHINGTON—After a historic week of finger-pointing, scandal, and the House cafeteria running out of popcorn, lawmakers from both parties have rallied behind a new bipartisan campaign: simultaneous expulsion of Representatives Eric Swalwell (D-CA) and Tony Gonzales (R-TX), in what Capitol insiders have dubbed the ‘Two-for-One Drain the Swamp Sale.’

The unprecedented deal allows Congress to expel two embattled representatives for the price of one messy floor vote. ‘We’re trying to be fiscally responsible while cleaning house,’ explained Rep. Marjorie Flipton (R-KS), who moonlights as the Chamber’s Coupon Czar. ‘You expel one member, and suddenly everyone wants to know why you didn’t expel the other guy who was caught doing karaoke with a lobbyist in Tijuana. This just streamlines it.’

Swalwell, currently denying allegations ranging from sexual misconduct to ‘making California even weirder,’ insists the process is flawed. ‘I demand to be expelled on my own merits,’ he said, adjusting a sash reading ‘Next Governor (?)’. ‘This is not the time for bundling. I deserve an exclusive scandal.’

Gonzales, meanwhile, issued a brief statement from what sources believe is a Cinnabon in Terminal B: ‘Mistakes were made, but I did not, at any point, propose legislation while under the influence of cinnamon rolls.’

The new system has inspired other lawmakers to consider group resignations. ‘If three or more of us get caught, can we get a group rate?’ inquired Rep. Doug Baggins (D-WA), eyeing a suspiciously large pile of shredded documents.

At press time, House leadership was investigating rumors of a punch card system: ‘Expel 10, get the 11th free.’