MIAMI—Declaring that “sometimes you just need to see a good knockout,” former President Donald Trump and self-identified Secretary of State Marco Rubio were spotted ringside Saturday night at UFC 302, minutes after peace talks with Iran collapsed and mere hours after both men had reportedly forgotten their own job titles.

Trump arrived at the Kaseya Center flanked by several family members, Dana White, and a sense of sports-based foreign policy. Seated nearby were Senator Rubio, US ambassador to India Sergio Gor, an exceptionally lost Vanilla Ice, and former FBI deputy director Dan Bongino, all described by security as “VIPs” and by onlookers as “possibly part of a bureaucratic conga line.”

“Look, we’ve tried diplomacy, we’ve tried sanctions, but have we tried arm bars?” asked an enthusiastic Rubio while livestreaming himself miming a rear-naked choke on the plush seat next to him. “I don’t see why we can’t solve world peace with a main event and decent concessions.”

Trump, between fist bumps with octagon fighters and requests for more Diet Coke, added: “People say watching two men punch each other isn’t leadership, but it’s at least more decisive than a Geneva conference with free-range hummus.”

Ivanka Trump, present for what aides described as “the spectacle and the lighting,” reportedly told friends, “I find the negotiations here much clearer than at the United Nations. At least here, someone admits when they’re tapping out.”

Meanwhile, UFC chief Dana White announced a new fight card: “Secretary Blinken vs. Iranian Foreign Minister—winner gets oil rights and three months of Twitter immunity.”