RIYADH—In a bold move praised by proponents of measured mediocrity everywhere, the Saudi Arabian Football Federation (SAFF) announced Thursday that it has dismissed French coach Herve Renard, citing “dangerously high levels of achievement” and “alarming proximity to hope” as primary factors in his termination.

Renard, the silver-haired tactician notorious for winning tournaments with Zambia and Ivory Coast and for recently qualifying Saudi Arabia for the 2026 World Cup, apparently crossed a red line by raising expectations. “His record was frankly unsettling,” said FA spokesperson Khalid Al-Mazroui. “People were beginning to believe we could do things like score goals on purpose. We had to intervene.”

Players reacted with a mix of relief and confusion. “We were training with cones and suddenly we were beating Argentina in a World Cup,” recalled midfielder Salman Al-Faraj. “That’s not the Saudi way. I’m glad we’re returning to our roots.”

Fans were equally divided. “I just want my emotional safety back,” said supporter Nahla Fahad, clutching her vuvuzela. “This much hope is exhausting. I can’t keep buying new flags after every surprise win.”

SAFF President Yasser Al-Misehal confirmed that a replacement coach will be selected via WhatsApp group poll. “We are confident the next manager will restore the quiet predictability our fans expect,” he said.

Renard, for his part, was reportedly last seen boarding a plane and nervously glancing over his shoulder, wary that any further accomplishment might result in his immediate ejection from professional football worldwide.