SYDNEY—In a display of optimism not seen since the invention of avocado toast, Australian property investors have increased their borrowing at the fastest pace in a decade, defying higher interest rates, economic warnings, and the subtle screaming of their financial advisors. According to the Reserve Bank of Australia, investor borrowing shot up by $42 billion in the year to March—a 9.6% surge—while owner-occupiers sheepishly refused to borrow more, citing, as one expert put it, ‘a sudden realization that money is not, in fact, free.’

Property investor Kelsey McMahon, who now owns 23 apartments and a suspiciously empty warehouse in Melbourne’s Docklands, said, ‘People keep telling me to be cautious, but I just see all these buildings and think, why not own them all? Besides, if the market ever crashes, I’ll just Airbnb my collection of laundry rooms.’

Economist Dr. Brian Gulp of the University of Wagga Wagga explained, ‘There’s no logical reason for investors to stop, especially now that we’ve confirmed mortgages can be paid in the form of increasingly desperate vibes.’

Meanwhile, Reserve Bank spokesperson Samantha Tang shrugged, noting, ‘We could raise interest rates to 100%, and they’d probably still try to buy a bungalow in Byron Bay. At this point, we’re just here for the show.’

With property tax changes looming and mortgage costs galloping, investors remain undeterred. ‘The only bubble I see is the one in my celebratory champagne,’ added McMahon, popping another cork as she scanned auction listings for her next five properties.