KEONJHAR, INDIA—In a move widely hailed as “a breakthrough in customer service,” officials at the Keonjhar branch of Bharat People’s Bank reportedly relented on Friday and permitted local man Jitu Munda, 52, to withdraw his late sister’s savings after he arrived with a bag containing her actual remains—because “the death certificate and grieving demeanor were not satisfactory.”

“Bank policy is very clear,” explained branch manager Pradeep Mishra, pointing to the institution’s 37-page document on corpse verification. “We require three kinds of proof: government-issued death certificate, notarized affidavit, and if possible, a physical manifestation in either skeletal or, ideally, mummified form. Mr. Munda should be pleased we didn’t require a séance.”

Witnesses describe Munda, visibly exhausted and clutching what appeared to be a femur, queuing at the bank’s ‘Express Bereavement Counter’ for over three hours. “I just wanted access to her pension account,” said Munda, “but they kept asking for fresher remains. What am I, a necromancer?”

Bank spokesperson Rupalika Sahu emphasized this was not an isolated incident. “We once had a customer bring his grandfather’s ghost, but security escorted him out. We only accept corporeal proof. If we made exceptions, where would we stop? Photos? Emotional sobbing?”

Regulators are reportedly reviewing bank policies to allow digital uploads of remains by 2025. Until then, residents are advised to keep loved ones in easily portable urns, just in case.