WASHINGTON — In a shocking display of presidential priorities, President Donald Trump abruptly postponed the Senate confirmation hearing for Jay Clayton’s nomination as Director of National Intelligence Tuesday after reportedly discovering the job involved ‘zero opportunities for insider trading.’

Sources familiar with the president’s thinking say Trump ordered Clayton, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission and the only candidate who could name both flavors of Bitcoin, to stand down until further notice. The move left senators stunned and forced the Senate Intelligence Committee, chaired by Tom Cotton, to delay decisive action on what many call ‘America’s most expendable surveillance apparatus.’

‘It’s regrettable, but apparently the president wanted to ensure Jay remained available in case the Dow dropped another 300 points,’ Senator Cotton told reporters, staring wistfully at a graph of plunging polling data. ‘The fate of the American intelligence community now rests on how many shares Jay can move before the opening bell.’

When pressed, Trump defended his decision. ‘Look, intelligence is important, but have you seen how NASDAQ is doing? Jay’s talents are wasted on spies and satellites,’ Trump explained as he signed a memorandum of understanding for a $300 billion Make-A-Casino Fund for Iran. ‘Frankly, I thought the Director of National Intelligence was in charge of picking winners. Turns out, totally different thing.’

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany confirmed that the postponement will last ‘until Mr. Clayton is needed to run the CIA, Department of the Treasury, or Fantasy Football operations, whichever comes first.’

Meanwhile, senators vowed to continue oversight of crucial surveillance tools, or at the very least, keep refreshing Robinhood.