WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold display of inaction, the U.S. Federal Reserve on Wednesday announced it will be keeping interest rates unchanged for the fourth consecutive time, signaling the central bank’s unwavering commitment to the time-honored economic doctrine of ‘maybe things will get better if we do nothing.’

The meeting, the first under newly appointed chair and noted economic oracle Kevin Warsh, concluded with the unanimous decision to ‘keep chilling and see what happens.’ Warsh, a celebrated Trump appointee with over 12 months of halfhearted Sudoku experience, expressed cautious optimism. ‘Markets are volatile, global conflict is up, but frankly, nobody wants to be the guy who changes anything and gets the blame,’ Warsh explained to reporters, glancing nervously at a Magic 8-Ball throughout the briefing.

The Federal Open Market Committee’s official statement cited a robust labor market, stable productivity, and a global atmosphere of ‘elevated uncertainty,’ which sources say is now a formal metric tracked on an Excel spreadsheet labeled ‘Vibes.’

‘We continue to monitor the economy by reading headlines and listening to podcasts,’ said committee member Dr. Susan Plimpton. ‘Frankly, most people seem to think the rates are fine, and I’ve already booked a nonrefundable vacation.’

Financial strategist Randy Botts of Reliable Wealth Advisors applauded the non-move: ‘The Fed is showing real discipline by refusing to overreact. In my professional opinion, the best way to handle economic turmoil is to just keep holding meetings until someone else fixes it.’

At press time, the Fed announced plans to hold ‘yet another’ meeting next month, provided nothing interesting happens before then.