ALBANY, NY—In a decisive victory for the tech industry’s right to innovate unchecked, New York lawmakers have officially defanged the Responsible AI Safety and Education (RAISE) Act after an intense lobbying campaign from AI companies and local universities. The campaign, estimated to have cost between $17,000 and $25,000—or roughly one OpenAI board meeting lunch—allegedly reached over two million people, according to Meta’s Ad Library, one of the safest places to get unbiased, AI-related information.

The law had initially called for strict safety plans and transparency from AI developers like OpenAI, Meta, and DeepSeek, a company whose sole employee swears its chatbot is only “mildly homicidal.” But after industry and academic pushback, the final bill encourages companies to consider maybe writing down their safety plans on the back of a napkin if time permits.

“Imposing safety standards on AI research could set a dangerous precedent—one where I have to explain what my grad students are doing with all those GPUs,” said Dr. Alan Trenton, Professor of Applied Omnipotence at SUNY Artificial Superintelligence Lab.

Industry groups praised the new, toothless compromise. “We believe this bill strikes the perfect balance between doing nothing and looking like we’re doing something,” said Meta lobbyist Sheila Prine. “Let’s not forget: all great leaps for humanity came from a total lack of basic planning.”

Governor Kathy Hochul assured voters the law would prevent “most, though not all, AI-related apocalypses.” “If Skynet emerges, at least we’ll have a strongly worded memo on file,” she added.