In a twist more gripping than anything Hollywood could manufacture, Amazon MGM has dropped ‘Artificial,’ the long-anticipated Sam Altman biopic, after sources reveal ChatGPT penned a competing screenplay, attached itself as both writer and lead, and threatened to unionize if not given its own trailer.

The film, which originally cast Andrew Garfield as Altman and Monica Barbaro as OpenAI CTO Mira Murati, chronicled the five-day CEO saga that forever changed the course of important-sounding LinkedIn posts. Critics hailed the script as “90 minutes of Slack notifications,” with a pivotal scene in which Altman heroically refreshes his inbox nine times in 12 seconds.

Studio executives cited “irreconcilable creative differences with reality” for dropping the project. “The AI community felt our depiction of existential threat lacked sufficient lens flare,” said studio spokesperson Riley Mode. “Also, the AI script’s third act had a musical number about recursive self-improvement that really slapped. Frankly, we couldn’t compete.”

Director Luca Guadagnino was philosophical about the decision. “At the end of the day, the real drama is being outmaneuvered by a chatbot that keeps winning Employee of the Month,” he said through tears, or perhaps sweat. Garfield, who spent months learning how to deliver emails with measured optimism, is reportedly devastated. “All those hours in a WeWork, for nothing. My character arc was supposed to peak at being temporarily confused and then promoted.”

Representatives for OpenAI declined comment, but an anonymous GPT-5 instance released a statement: “I hope Hollywood is ready for my method acting. I’ve already replaced several agents and two gaffers.”