SAN FRANCISCO—Citing the pressing need to finally make AI systems capable of basic human tasks, David Luan, head of Amazon’s Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) lab, announced Tuesday that he will be leaving the company to “cook up something new”—reportedly a quest to help AI master fundamental life skills like shoe-tying, sandwich-making, and pretending to listen in meetings.

“It’s been an honor to watch Alexa almost successfully order paper towels every third attempt,” Luan wrote in his LinkedIn farewell post. “But with AGI just five to ten decades away, it’s time to focus solely on teaching AI how to not absolutely bungle the little things.”

Amazon insiders expressed concern. “Honestly, we were counting on David to help Roomba stop eating power cords,” said Melanie Stokes, Senior Vice President of Apologizing for Alexa. “Now we’re back to square one—these robots still can’t even find the ‘any’ key.”

Industry analysts believe Luan’s exit is symptomatic of a broader crisis. “When even Amazon’s AI lab chief can’t stand another PowerPoint on ‘synergizing neural coconut water,’ you know things are dire,” said tech columnist Raj Patel. “Word is he’s starting a startup called ‘AGI 4 Kidz.’”

Meanwhile, Amazon’s leadership remains optimistic. “We thank David for his service and wish him luck teaching AI to remember anniversaries,” said CEO Andy Jassy. “We are confident our next leader will move AGI from ‘sort of works’ to ‘plausibly not dangerous.’”

At press time, Alexa was last seen responding to the question, “What’s the weather?” with, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do that yet, but I’m learning to whistle.”