In a major setback for the Justice Department’s longstanding quest to prosecute all forms of ecclesiastical commotion, a federal appeals court ruled Saturday that five additional Minnesota protestors will not be charged for disrupting a church service, dashing hopes for a sweeping federal ban on mid-sermon outbursts.

The protest, which interrupted a St. Cloud service led by Pastor Glenn Wainwright, was staged by local activists protesting Wainwright’s rumored affinity for Immigration and Customs Enforcement literature. The demonstration reached fever pitch when former news anchor Don Lemon dramatically filmed himself quietly whispering, “This is journalism,” into a reusable straw during the Eucharist.

“Frankly, we just wanted to sing our closing hymn and enjoy the bake sale in peace,” said parishioner Phyllis Tompkins, who reported lingering trauma upon learning her angel food cake had been classified as evidence. “I’ve never seen so many FBI jackets at a church social. One even tried to bless the deviled eggs.”

Justice Department spokesperson Brock Peever expressed disappointment, stating, “If we can’t prosecute the Minnesota Five for interrupting a church, what’s next? Anarchists cutting in line at potlucks?”

Judge Margaret Thibble, one of the ruling judges, noted the government’s argument was “unprecedented, in that no one has ever previously compared a church protest to a threat against Western stability and the sacred right to free coffee refills.”

Meanwhile, church officials have taken bold new security measures, including blessing all entrances and hiring a part-time usher with a whistle.