CANBERRA—In a bold display of fiscal priorities, the Australian government has announced the inaugural ‘Hug a Landlord Day’ to recognise the nation’s biggest beneficiaries of public generosity: property investors who enjoy more in tax breaks than the entire country spends on social housing, homelessness services, and rent assistance combined.

According to a detailed report by the Australian Council of Social Service (Acoss), property investors pocketed $12.3 billion in tax concessions last year, a figure government officials described as ‘just fair dinkum larrikin fun.’ By contrast, spending on social housing has trickled down to a record low, with public housing now representing only 3.6% of homes—down from 5.7% in the 1990s, or as one economist put it, ‘just enough public housing to fit into a spacious glovebox.’

Treasurer Jim Chalmers praised the system, stating: ‘We believe in the great Australian dream, especially for those who dream about negative gearing while sipping Shiraz on their fifth investment balcony.’ He added that celebrating landlords was a natural fit for the nation, since ‘they’re the only ones who can actually afford to host a barbecue.’

The Public Relations Officer for the National Landlords Guild, Lorraine Armitage, welcomed the initiative. ‘We’ve suffered in silence for too long,’ Armitage said from her penthouse spa. ‘It’s not easy choosing between vintage tiles for the second en suite, you know.’

Meanwhile, Homelessness Australia spokesperson Benno Clarke called on the government to reconsider, noting, ‘If we gave every homeless person a Capital Gains Tax deduction, maybe they’d finally become visible.’

The Prime Minister has promised further support for landlords in next year’s budget, hinting at a new program where tenants can pay rent simply by complimenting their landlords’ investment portfolios.