• Politics

Trump’s $2 Billion Payday Inspires Surge of Politicians Launching Perfume, Cryptocurrency, and Ornamental Bust Lines

Buck MulliganJuly 6, 2026

Former President Donald Trump’s record $2 billion earnings as a sitting leader have spurred politicians across the West to launch their own product lines and monetize public office with unprecedented enthusiasm.

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• Economy

First Home Buyers Demand Houses Come With Free Therapy to Cope With Their Own Decision Making

Buck MulliganJuly 5, 2026

Australia's first home buyers are demanding houses come with free therapy to cope with the psychological burden of entering the property market, as market cooling fails to entice new entrants.

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• Politics

Trump Pardons Truckers Who Made America Smoggy Again, Cites ‘Patriotic Commitment to Thick Air’

Buck MulliganJuly 5, 2026

President Trump pardons truckers convicted of violating the Clean Air Act on the eve of Independence Day, lauding their contributions to 'classic American smog.'

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• Technology

Google and Amazon Announce Plan to Offset AI Energy Use by Planting Forest of Glowing Server Trees

Buck MulliganJuly 5, 2026

Google and Amazon respond to AI's soaring energy use by unveiling plans to camouflage data centers as environmental 'server trees' in a bizarre bid to meet net-zero pledges.

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• Sport

NBA Experiments With Free Throw ‘Wishful Thinking’ Rule: Players Merely Envision Ball Going In

Buck MulliganJuly 4, 2026

The NBA tests a new Summer League rule where players imagine making free throws to speed up games and appeal to modern audiences.

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• Politics

US, Iran Enter Heated Game of Global Thermonuclear Chicken; Winner Gets to Keep the Strait of Hormuz

Buck MulliganJuly 2, 2026

The US and Iran exchanged military strikes and threats of annihilation, escalating tensions in the Gulf amid mutual accusations of violating a ceasefire.

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• Sport

Internet Cancels German Superfan for Committing Heinous Act of Prior International Travel

Buck MulliganJuly 1, 2026

German superfan Freddy faces online outrage after fans discover he's been to America before, sparking scandal over his extended stay plans for the 2026 FIFA World Cup.

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• Politics

Biden Delivers 47-Minute Speech Calling Trump a ‘Loser,’ Forgets Why He Started Calling Trump a ‘Loser’

Buck MulliganJune 29, 2026

President Biden labeled Donald Trump a 'loser' dozens of times during a Maryland gala speech, leaving attendees and political strategists confused but oddly entertained.

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• Technology

Amazon Announces ‘Prime Forever’ Sale: Shopping Event Now Lasts Until Heat Death of Universe

Buck MulliganJune 28, 2026

Amazon extends its annual Prime Day sale into an endless, year-round event, ensuring customers are perpetually unable to escape limited-time deals.

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• Economy

Newsom Urges Californians to Vote No on Billionaire Tax, Proposes Law Forcing Rich to Stay Put ‘At Gunpoint If Necessary’

Buck MulliganJune 27, 2026

Governor Gavin Newsom urges Californians to vote against a state billionaire tax, warning it may trigger a mass exodus of the wealthy, and proposes a nationwide billionaire residency law as a solution.

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