• Politics

Trump Vows to Invade Any Country That Even Thinks About Advil

Chester P. NonsenseDecember 3, 2025

President Trump announces the U.S. will militarily target any country he suspects of producing drugs, including common pharmaceuticals, in an expanded war on drugs.

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• Politics

Trump Vows To Undo All Biden Autopen Executive Orders, Citing National Emergency Over ‘Robot President’

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 30, 2025

Donald Trump pledges to revoke all executive orders signed by President Biden's autopen, warning Americans about the rise of 'robot president' governance.

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• Entertainment

Director Demands Moviegoers Attend Films in Person or Be Forced to Watch Streaming on Tiny Screens Inside IKEA Showrooms

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 30, 2025

Brazilian director Kleber Mendonça Filho calls for drastic measures to save cinema from the dangers of streaming, suggesting that moviegoers be compelled to attend theaters or endure increasingly ridiculous alternatives.

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• Economy

Man Buys Rapid Pro Power Bank, Accidentally Reboots Entire Neighborhood Grid

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 30, 2025

Ecoflow's ultra-powerful Rapid Pro Power Bank is discounted for Black Friday, giving consumers the ability to charge devices—and possibly disrupt local power grids—from the comfort of their own homes.

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• Technology

China Launches Urgent Probe Into U.S. Memory Chips After Discovering They Still Remember Everything

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 29, 2025

China initiated a cybersecurity probe into U.S. chipmaker Micron, expressing serious concerns that their memory chips might, in fact, be remembering things.

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• Economy

Downing Street Denies Chancellor Reeves Misled Public, Blames Ferret for Budget Calculations

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 29, 2025

Downing Street denies accusations that Chancellor Reeves misled the public about tax rises, attributing budget calculation discrepancies to a mischievous office ferret.

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• Technology

Campbell’s Fires Executive for Forgetting Company Policy: ‘Never Acknowledge Soup Is for Poor People’

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 28, 2025

Campbell Soup Company fired an executive for allegedly calling their products 'for poor people' and making disparaging remarks about Indian employees.

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• Economy

Starmer Insists Budget is ‘Manifesto-Adjacent’, Promises Not to Break Any Pledges Without At Least a Six-Month Cooling-Off Period

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 28, 2025

Keir Starmer defends his government's budget as being consistent with the spirit, if not the letter, of Labour's manifesto tax pledges, while promising all future pledge-breaking will include a courteous notification period.

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• Technology

China Orders Micron to Hand Over All Thumb Drives, Old Floppy Disks In Sweeping Cybersecurity Probe

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 27, 2025

China has launched a broad cybersecurity investigation into U.S. chipmaker Micron Technology, demanding the company hand over all data storage devices and scrutinizing its technology for potential Western threats.

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• Sport

Virginia High School Coach Disappears After Learning That ‘Wanted’ Posters Count Towards Varsity Letter

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 26, 2025

A Virginia high school football coach disappeared and became a fugitive after police issued warrants for his arrest.

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