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Beyoncé Officially Becomes Billionaire, Receives Complimentary Gold Card to Purchase Small European Countries

NEW YORK—Following her ascension to billionaire status, sources confirmed Thursday that global icon Beyoncé Knowles-Carter was immediately issued a complimentary gold card, officially authorizing her to buy small European nations at her discretion. Beyoncé, now the fifth musician to reach billionaire status according to Forbes, joins an elite club whose perks reportedly include tax-free caviar buffets and an exclusive group chat entitled ‘Forbes, Who Dis?’ with Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Bruce Springsteen, and her husband Jay-Z.

According to international finance officials, representatives from Luxembourg began nervously updating their LinkedIn profiles just minutes after the announcement. “We’ve had a standing offer for Monaco on the table since Beyoncé’s last world tour,” said Gretchen Fiefield, spokesperson for the Billionaire Asset Redistribution Bureau. “So far she’s just sent a single emoji reply—an hourglass—so negotiations remain tense.”

Longtime fan and aspiring billionaire, Chad Winkles, expressed hope that Beyoncé’s new wealth would inspire others. “If Queen Bey can do it, so can I,” said Winkles, who has $14.26 in his savings account and three pyramid-scheme starter kits in his garage. “I’m thinking about starting a world tour, maybe in my cul-de-sac.”

Beyoncé herself remained humble about her new financial superpower, posting simply, “Blessed and grateful. Now accepting suggestions for which country needs a Renaissance the most.” Meanwhile, Switzerland is reportedly offering complimentary yacht parking in Lake Geneva, should Beyoncé be in the market for a summer hideaway.

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