EL SEGUNDO, CA—In a bold move widely regarded as the corporate equivalent of throwing spaghetti against the wall and seeing what sticks, Beyond Meat this week unveiled “Beyond Immerse,” a plant-based protein soda that marks the furthest conceptual distance the company has ever put between itself and anything remotely resembling food.

Beyond Immerse, described by company officials as “carbonated, vaguely nutritious, and debatably liquid,” contains 20 grams of pea protein per can and absolutely zero resemblance to either meat or sanity. Company spokesperson Terra Sprout described the launch as “an audacious leap into the yawning void of beverage innovation.”

“Honestly, we just combined all our leftover pea protein isolate with mango essence and prayed,” Sprout told reporters, swigging from a can labeled ‘beta batch.’ “It’s less of a meal and more of a dare.”

Industry insiders are divided. Plant-based trend expert Dr. Kale Quinoa called it “the most logical step for a company whose next product was probably going to be plant-based air anyway.” Early taste tester Chip Whey reported, “It tastes like what I imagine a vegan bench press would—chalky, a little sweaty, but technically good for you.”

Financial analyst Brooke Lenticel said of the shift, “If protein soda doesn’t make money, their next product is probably Beyond Bankruptcy.”

Despite the skepticism, Beyond Meat CEO Ethan Brown remains hopeful. “Our mission is to keep redefining what counts as meat, protein, or, frankly, beverage,” Brown said during a launch livestream, before bravely chugging a can straight-faced and muttering, “Oh, that’s…bubbly.”

With sales of simulated meats plummeting, Beyond Meat’s pivot to effervescent legumes signals an industry ready to fizz out or rise again—one burp at a time.