BEIJING—China’s government announced triumphantly Monday that it has met its official 5% economic growth target for last year, marking the third consecutive year the target was carefully adjusted until success was assured. The achievement comes despite an array of minor speed bumps, including a historic population decline, a multi-trillion yuan property implosion, and several years of international trade disputes with former U.S. president and professional tariff enthusiast Donald Trump.

“We are delighted to declare victory,” said Hao Wen, an upbeat spokesperson for the National Bureau of Statistics, from a press conference where the goal boards appeared to have been recently laminated. “As always, the secret is to set your sights where you can actually see them—sometimes that means lowering them low enough to step over.”

Analysts applaud the bold new strategy. “If GDP growth ever falls below targets, we simply redefine the targets as ‘approximate’ or ‘vaguely in the ballpark,’” said Professor Li Yuting of the Institute for Advanced Number Adjustments. “This is the kind of flexibility the IMF only dreams of.”

Facing pesky structural issues like a shrinking workforce and the ongoing saga of the ‘Vanishing Apartments,’ officials remain unperturbed. “Our birthrate may be at a record low, but on the bright side, fewer babies means fewer hungry mouths to outgrow the GDP per capita,” noted urban planner Zhang Wei, while quietly erasing family planning slogans from government buildings.

The Bureau hinted that next year’s goal will be set to “around whatever happens,” citing ‘dynamic baseline methodologies’ and ‘positive vibes’ as guiding principles.