LONDON—The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) announced Monday that it is taking legal action against once-celebrated investment guru Neil Woodford after discovering he had allegedly dispensed unauthorised investment advice online, including such recommendations as “put everything in Beanie Babies,” and “you can never go wrong with timeshare in the metaverse.”

The lawsuit comes after the FCA’s recent attempt to permanently ban Woodford from the City following the spectacular collapse of his signature equity fund, which previously convinced thousands to invest in what turned out to be a literal pot of clay coins. This latest crackdown seeks to stop Woodford and his new UAE-registered venture, W4.0, from “potentially unlawful activities,” which reportedly include emailing e-books titled ‘Winning Stock Tips From Your Dentist.’

Regulatory spokesperson Amanda Stirrup stated, “We became concerned when Mr. Woodford’s blog advised subscribers to liquidate their pensions and invest in a chain letter.” Stirrup added, “At no point should the phrase ‘guaranteed returns from an Albanian ostrich farm’ be part of regulated advice.”

Defending his methods, Woodford told journalists, “My new strategy is all about thinking outside the bank. If you can’t trust a man in Dubai with a spreadsheet and a dream, whom can you trust?” Meanwhile, W4.0 investor Barry Thrift insisted, “Neil’s advice felt fresh. Before him, nobody told me to short sell the entire FTSE using Bitcoin futures named after my aunt.”

The FCA has warned consumers to be wary of any future investment platforms promising 400% APR in exchange for their credit card numbers and a firm handshake.