WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning act of legislative optimism, 160 Democratic lawmakers have unveiled the Direct File Act, a bill that would allow Americans to file their taxes directly with the IRS, thereby robbing millions of the cherished annual tradition of weeping in a corner with a shoe box full of crumpled receipts.

“For too long, Americans have been forced to choose between paying $200 for someone to do their taxes or attempting TurboTax’s 27-stage riddle challenge,” proclaimed Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), standing before a Marquee IRS-branded velvet rope. “It’s time for tax season to be less Hunger Games, more bake sale.”

The IRS Direct File system, briefly piloted in select states before being axed by the Trump administration, will now allegedly expand into every home, making accountants everywhere question their life choices. “If Congress gets this through, I’ll have nothing to do in April except alphabetize my calculator collection,” lamented noted CPA and amateur paperclip sculptor Linda Rowley.

Rep. Brad Sherman (D-CA) reassured Americans that the new system would be “as user-friendly as an online quiz on which Hogwarts house you belong to, only with more questions about cryptocurrency.”

Critics, meanwhile, warn of dire consequences. “Letting the government do your taxes for free is socialism, plain and simple. What’s next, free DMV lines?” thundered Larry Grimble, spokesperson for Americans for Paperwork Excess.

The bill is expected to face stiff resistance, particularly from the Faint Smell of Burnt Coffee Association and the National Alliance of Aggressively Overcomplicated Forms.