LOS ANGELES—In yet another blow to the already precarious reputation of job listings on Craigslist, actor Crispin Glover is facing a battery lawsuit after allegedly luring a woman from the UK with promises of a glamorous Hollywood career, only for her to discover that the role mainly involved being, as court documents state, ‘held in Crispin’s house and making tea.’

The woman, known as ‘Ms. H,’ claims that she believed she was auditioning for a new Tim Burton film, only to realize upon arrival that the script was entirely verbal and involved a recurring role as Glover’s ‘personal assistant, chef, and unwilling participant in interpretive dance routines.’

“I knew something was off when he asked me to recite the Declaration of Independence while dressed as a Victorian pigeon,” Ms. H told reporters via carrier pigeon. “It was the least weird part of my week.”

Glover’s attorney, Vince Tangle, denied all allegations. “Mr. Glover merely sought companionship for his Wednesday night pet ferret readings,” Tangle said. “My client would never forcibly enslave someone—unless, of course, they agreed to read his screenplay first.”

Industry expert Mariel Happenstance noted, “Hollywood has long been a place where dreams come true—unless you’re trying to work with Crispin Glover, in which case nightmares are just part of the audition process.”

The LAPD issued a statement warning international travelers that any job listing including the words ‘unique opportunity’ and ‘live with Crispin Glover’ should be treated with the utmost suspicion.