MARRAKECH — In a bold statement that has sent shockwaves through the film industry and several moderately crowded cineplexes, Brazilian director Kleber Mendonça Filho demanded Monday that Hollywood ‘draw a line in the sand before audiences only watch movies in the reflection of their air fryer.’

Filho, whose latest film ‘The Secret Agent’ is Brazil’s Oscar contender, sounded the alarm at the Marrakech Film Festival, warning that continued dependence on streaming platforms would ultimately reduce cinema to ‘an endless scroll of recommendations and buffering wheels.’

‘If people don’t fight for the magical experience of sitting in a sticky chair beneath a flickering EXIT sign, then we’ll lose what truly matters: glaring at strangers for checking their phones during the climax,’ Filho declared to a group of mildly attentive festival attendees.

Other leading figures quickly weighed in on the crisis. ‘We must protect cinema from streaming’s dark, seductive embrace,’ said legendary projectionist and part-time nacho vendor Linda Greeley. ‘I refuse to live in a world where people don’t pay $27 for popcorn dust.’

Studio executive Trent Mallard proposed a solution: ‘We could compromise by forcing streaming viewers to wear 3D glasses at home and stand in a narrow, carpeted hallway for 20 minutes before each screening.’

Meanwhile, a group of streaming executives responded with a statement reading simply: ‘lol.’