Big Daddy's Truth Factory

Drake Allegedly Pays Artificial Intelligence Army in Casino Winnings to Listen to Own Music, Still Not Top Artist on Spotify

LAS VEGAS—In a bold attempt to game the music industry, superstar rapper Drake and internet personality Adin Ross have been accused of using online casino riches to bankroll an underground network of robot listeners, according to a recently filed class action lawsuit from two music fans in Virginia who claim their playlists are now 85% Drake and 15% confusion.

The suit alleges that anonymous payments from Stake.com, an e-casino known mostly for sponsoring sports podcasts and the spiritual ruin of Millennials, facilitated automated streaming sessions that propelled Drake’s “Slap Yourself (Again)” to the top of the charts. However, the ploy reportedly backfired when Drake’s A.I. supporters requested pension plans and union representation.

“Frankly, if my grandkids listened to as much Drake as my smart speaker claims, they’d be fluent in Toronto slang by now,” said plaintiff Edith Herring, 68, who discovered her Alexa had racked up 11,000 hours of Drake per week while she was playing bingo.

Representatives for Stake.com denied wrongdoing: “We’re committed to responsible gambling, music, and occasionally responsible gambling on music. At no point did our robots gamble Drake singles for profit,” stated CEO Lars Crypto in a press release.

Music business expert Todd Algorithm expressed shock at the scandal’s lack of innovation: “Artists have been faking streams for years, but never before with so many roulette metaphors and so little actual music appreciation.”

As the case heads to court, Drake could potentially lose millions or, if found innocent, gain 10 billion additional streams—courtesy of a newly-released Stake.com slot machine called ‘Hotline Bling Spin.’

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Buck Mulligan

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