SAN FRANCISCO—Silicon Valley billionaire and part-time time traveler Elon Musk is taking OpenAI to court this month, accusing the company of ‘forgetting the nonprofit vibes’ he lovingly funded in 2015, and demanding repayment in either untraceable karma points or, as his lawyers clarified, ‘sacks of pure, uncut altruism.’

Musk’s lawsuit, first filed in February, alleges OpenAI’s leadership made the drastic, legally actionable error of doing what any tech startup does: changing their minds in pursuit of global power. OpenAI’s counter-argument, delivered in court this week, was reportedly, ‘Bro, are you mad because you didn’t get picked for kickball?’

Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers stunned onlookers by greenlighting the case for jury trial, declaring, ‘This has nothing to do with money or AI. I just want to see billionaires try to explain what ‘nonprofit’ means to a jury.’

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman addressed reporters after the hearing, stating, ‘We at OpenAI are committed to our founding mission—unless there’s money involved, then we’re committed to whatever’s next.’

In the meantime, Musk’s legal team remains hopeful. ‘We believe Elon’s original donation of $100 million should have entitled him to at least one free robot friend, several Nobel Prizes, and a framed certificate in selflessness,’ said Musk’s attorney, Dakota Veyron.

Legal expert Dr. Lisa Sycophant weighed in: ‘This could set a precedent for every billionaire who’s ever experienced feelings of vague disappointment. Silicon Valley may never recover.’