WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid mounting anxiety over soaring gas prices triggered by recent Middle East tensions, U.S. Energy Secretary Chris Wright offered Americans reassurance this Sunday by promising that the price surge would absolutely, definitely subside ‘before too long’—provided everyone maintains a positive attitude and maybe cuts back on breathing near gas stations.

‘If everyone simply visualizes lower prices while humming John Denver songs, I have every confidence we’ll see relief at the pump in a matter of weeks, not months,’ Wright told reporters, reading from an affirmation card. ‘We urge citizens to try manifesting $2.50 gas. At this point, it can’t hurt.’

The Department of Energy also stressed that the U.S. has no plans to target Iran’s energy industry, opting instead for a bold strategy of ‘strongly worded emails’ and supportive Facebook reactions. ‘We find that the most effective way to resolve international oil disputes is by friending foreign ministers on LinkedIn,’ said State Department liaison Becky Plinth, who recently suggested sending Iran a fruit basket with a handwritten note about price stability.

Economists, meanwhile, have offered their own predictions. ‘Historically, gas prices fall shortly after my birthday,’ noted Dr. Gary Tindle of the Institute for Speculative Economics, whose birthday is reportedly six months away. ‘Coincidence? Maybe. But it’s what the models show.’

As Americans confront ever-rising pump totals, the White House has released a new app allowing citizens to track their gas expenses, pay for fuel, and submit their favorite mantras for a chance to win a complimentary reusable grocery bag.