Brussels, BE – In a bold move hailed as ‘the largest diplomatic exchange of apologies and tropical fruit in modern history,’ the European Union and India announced a sweeping trade accord this week, ending decades of mutual tariff escalation and awkwardly worded letters. The agreement, which will phase out tariffs over seven years, is expected to boost the exchange of European luxury sedans for piles of Alphonso mangoes and heartfelt ‘sorry for colonialism’ cards.

“This is a huge win for European automakers and Indian mango enthusiasts everywhere,” declared Fabrice Renault, spokesperson for the European Luxurious Automobiles Confederation (ELAC). “Our members look forward to flooding India’s market with cars slightly more expensive than an urban apartment. In return, we’re thrilled about importing 40,000 metric tons of mangoes and, per the agreement, a monthly shipment of Bollywood dance tutorials.”

Indian trade negotiator Priya Kumari confirmed the deal marks a ‘new era’ of Euro-Indian synergy. “Before, importing a German car meant auctioning your house or marrying into the Ambani family. Now, any semi-successful tech worker can aspire to own a Volkswagen and crash it into a sacred cow. We call that progress.”

In a hastily convened ceremony, EU officials presented Prime Minister Narendra Modi with a ceremonial key to Turin and a coupon for one free apology, redeemable at any European embassy. “We look forward to an age where trade is measured in goodwill, not 110% tariffs,” proclaimed EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, moments before accidentally stepping on Modi’s foot and issuing a written statement of regret.