BRUSSELS—In anticipation of the much-hyped Trump-Zelenskyy summit, European leaders have reportedly begun removing all maps, globes, and any mention of Greenland from government offices, public transit, and the internet, in what NATO officials are calling “Operation Denial: Arctic Edition.”

The move comes after former Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen warned that a US attack on Greenland would mean “the end of NATO and potentially the beginning of an era where strategic planning will be based entirely on real estate listings.”

“We’ve replaced all globes with decorative beach balls,” explained EU Defense Coordinator Annika Bohr. “If Mr. Trump asks where Greenland is, we tell him it’s the new name for Greenland, Ohio.”

Sources inside the summit preparations confirm that Volodymyr Zelenskyy will attend the Thursday meeting virtually, after clarifying that he is, in fact, in Kyiv, and not Davos or the “Margaritaville Resort, Nuuk Branch,” as previously suggested by Trump’s advance team. “President Trump remains committed to international diplomacy, but only if it involves potential waterfront property,” said Trump spokesperson Chad Goldmann, nervously folding a paper map into the shape of a duck.

NATO officials maintain that solutions are possible. “We just need to find something in Europe Trump wants even more—maybe Liechtenstein with a gold-plated fence,” suggested French negotiator Jean-Paul Croissant. “If that fails, we’ll try offering him ‘strategic’ rights to the IKEA cafeteria.”

As the summit approaches, European contingency plans now reportedly include hiding the Faroe Islands, renaming the North Sea to the ‘Midwest Pond,’ and offering discounted timeshares in the Swiss Alps—pending Trump’s approval, of course.