GORTON AND DENTON—Reform UK leader Nigel Farage today declared his party the moral winner of the Gorton and Denton byelection after what he described as ‘devastating success’ among voters born on British soil, despite falling more than 4,400 votes short of Green Party candidate Hannah Spencer in what he called the ‘so-called official results.’

Speaking outside a local pub with several enthusiastic supporters, Farage insisted, “If you only count the votes from people who can recite the first six verses of ‘Rule, Britannia!’ backwards, we absolutely smashed it. It’s simple mathematics.” The campaign, marked by Reform UK flyers stapled over actual election notices, now appears set to pivot to what insiders are calling ‘advanced alternate arithmetic.’

Newly elected MP and local plumber Hannah Spencer expressed confusion at Farage’s remarks, stating, “I’ve checked the pipes and the ballots—everything’s flowing in the same direction. But perhaps he’s reading the numbers off a broken tap.”

Reform’s deputy candidate Barry Hawthorne echoed Farage’s claims, adding, “According to my cousin’s WhatsApp group, Reform actually won in three separate dimensions. The mainstream media just refuses to cover the quantum ballots.”

Professor Doreen Chutney-Finch, a leading expert in parallel democracy at the utterly real University of East Manchester, observed, “Election denial is a rich British tradition, dating back to the time the Saxons claimed the Normans had used foreign ballots in 1066.”

At press time, Farage was reportedly considering a legal challenge in the Supreme Court of Narnia.