After years of research and billions in funding, the FDA on Tuesday approved the first prescription medication designed for adults who just need to feel like they accomplished something. The drug, marketed as Achieva™, is expected to target the 93% of Americans who report that ‘making the bed’ is their peak achievement most days.

According to clinical trials, users experienced a 400% increase in the sensation of productivity after taking a single dose, with many immediately believing they had ‘finally gotten their life together, at least for today.’ The medication was developed by pharmaceutical giant PurposePharm in collaboration with the Institute for Modern Ennui.

“For years I struggled with feeling like an unproductive member of society. Now, with just one pill, I get that sweet, fleeting rush of capability — without having to even look at my inbox,” said beta tester Jeremy Feldman, who now lists ‘drug taker’ as a hobby.

FDA spokesperson Melinda Crump praised Achieva™, noting, “This is a huge step forward for millions who don’t have the energy to do laundry but still want to brag about being busy on Instagram.”

Some experts have raised concerns about misuse. Dr. Ronald Tibbets of the National Laziness Council warned, “We may see a spike in people setting reminders to take their productivity pill and then feeling so accomplished that they cancel all actual plans.”

PurposePharm already has plans to roll out upgrades, including Achieva Ultra™, which promises side effects like instantly updating your LinkedIn profile and feeling justified in ordering takeout for the third time this week.